Resolution

Henry Miller wrote somewhere in the Tropic of Cancer that if just one man were to drop his pretense and address the world with complete and utter honesty, the world would tilt on its axis.  Something like that.  That's probably not exactly how he put it, but it gets at the point.  Which is that we hide behind convention, and expectations, and fears, and ourselves.  And we shouldn't.

I want to be that guy.  I want to open up and just say everything that comes to mind.  Not to censor myself one whit.  Not to care one iota whether anyone is listening to approve.  But to do so, of course, of course, in a way that does not sound like an ego's raw nerve... or a homeless man's mindless rant.  In other words, I want to be honest, but to do so in a way that allows me to be authentic in the world, centered in myself, learned where I can be, thoughtful everywhere else, whether the world cares or not.  I demand honesty from myself not so much because I want to turn the world on its ear, but because I am so sick and damned tired of being other.

So I will confront the world.  I will see beauty in the shifting light.  I will accept the judgment of others if and when it is offered.  But I will stay true to myself.  That is the iron string to which my heart will vibrate.  My life will be, as Emerson said somewhere, although I forget where...  a life, and not an apology.